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The Biggest Binger

‘Binge drinking is the modern definition of drinking alcoholic beverages with the primary intention of becoming intoxicated by heavy consumption of alcohol over a short period of time’

Yep – that’s me.

As a prime example of what the media likes to call ‘binge drinking in our generation’, I commit the worst type of alcohol related consumption by ignoring it for the entire week – come Saturday night I am sculling whatever alcoholic beverage I can get my greedy little paws on like a camel in the Sahara desert.

I m going to admit something – no exaggeration I have been known to consume over 30 STANDARD DRINKS in one night – it’s been counted and that is not good – on the typical male that could potentially cause alcohol poisoning and on my average female frame of 62kg and 175cm that is a SHIT LOAD OF ALCOHOL – and its written all over my haggard ass face the next day.

Taking this into consideration it is clear that I am the poster girl for binging.
On every binge drinking blog/news article etc the journalist covers only the negative effects that appear as a result from the binge – health, morals blah blah blah

We are clearly well aware that it is not good for us; as if the hangover the next day is not proof enough we can FEEL it so thanks but WE KNOW! And morals – pft what morals, if we had some we would keep our cheeky little butts fully clothed in front of the TV on Saturday night.

So I am going to uncover the BENEFITS of binging today as surely there is some right?

  • The best sex of your life – Don’t lie you know you agree. Inhibitions are out the window, everything is so steamy, you can freely demand what you want and guys last for ages!
  • New friendships are cemented – You meet new people, its slightly awkward then BAM a few drinks later you are best friends and absolutely LOVE each other.
  • Dancing – The only time my shimmying and crumping is appreciated as a form of freestyle is when others are drunk! Sobriety makes people dancing snobs, sorrryyy I can’t do a pirouette but look at my bum bum shake!
  • Food Guilt – The only time we won’t feel guilty about eating an entire dinner box solo is under the influence.
  • Deep & meaningful conversations – Some of the most important chats I’ve ever had are with people when we are completely inebriated. I just wish I remembered them all………………
  • Laughter – Over absolutely nothing; funny people and alcohol are a better mix than ice-cream and topping.
  • You become a comedian – Wow everything you say and do is just so damn funny to everyone – you start thinking you are the next Russel Peters as you order a vodka tonic in an Indian accent.
  • Your sex appeal increases – No matter how ugly you are, the majority of people are hit on at LEAST once whilst intoxicated, nothing builds your confidence more than a complete stranger telling you that your ‘the prttiesht girl I’ve ever shhheeenn’.
  • The Perve Factor – People are more prone to nakedness when blind (I am the biggest culprit) it’s great to use the opportunities presented to perve!
  • The SLLLLEEEEEPPP – My greatest sleeps are those performed while under the influence. I don’t care that it’s not so much fell asleep as passed out – it’s amazing.

As a side note I am well aware that the majority of these activities are regretted the next day – but you can’t beat the memories and laughter that stems from them – priceless.


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One thought on “The Biggest Binger

  1. If only more than 59 people would hear this!

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