The Fake Gems
To spot these fakies trying to squirm their way into your collection of Diamonds (see yesterdays blog) you need the ultimate laws of friendship.
If there is one life lesson I would like to bestow onto younger women it would be the laws of female friendships; as there are so many people my age who still don’t know them – and knowing them from a younger age saves a lot of time and effort on friendships that are not worth your time.
I literally don’t have any time for any of the below and neither should you;
• The Poisonous Friend – So many girls I know have these brown snakes in their life and tolerate them! NO! A poisonous friend makes sly jabs at you and tries to pass them off as jokes when they clearly aren’t. Basically they don’t have any other purpose in your life apart from putting you down, making you question things and generally making you feel like shit.
• The Bitter Friend – This friend is a massive downer; you ring her for a chat feeling happy and leave the conversation wanting to kill yourself. They do nothing but winge, whine, bitch and moan over their life. There is enough negative energy in the world too be surrounding yourself with more. (However friends do get free passes to do all of the above if something horrible has happened to them – this is just in general.)
• The ‘Boy Crazy’ Friend – This is the friend that chooses her boyfriend over her friends, goes out to simply hook up and spends her entire life talking about boys. You need friends that put you first after all ‘boyfriends come and go but friends last forever’.
• The SLUT – This bitch is going out with your or one of your friends ex-boyfriends. Unless it was in high-school and totally un-serious this is NEVER OK!!!!!!! Give the bitch a slap and get rid of her.
• The Selfish Friend – This is the girl who thinks solely of herself and herself only. She talks about herself, spends money only on herself, and will only do things in her life that benefit herself. She is me, me and more me.
Now that you’re rid of these ‘pretend’ gems, build your true collection of diamonds with the following;
• The ‘Champagne’ Friend – This is the friend that you can always count on to have an awesome night out with, she’s fun, loves to talk, dance and generally just have a mad old time.
• The Listening Friend – This is the precious possum you call when you’re upset, knowing that you can spill everything to and it be kept in a locked vault. Kind words are there and advice is given ONLY when asked. You can always count on this friend to be there for you.
• The Funny Friend – The one person that can make you choke on your own laughter anytime anywhere. It’s good for the soul to have this one around ALWAYS!
• The Easy Going Friend – The one you can call to simply catch up over a quiet coffee, go see a movie with or enjoy a nice walk. This friend is a must for the times when you simply don’t WANT to go out.
• The ‘Boy’ Friend – No sex aloud! It ruins everyyyything! This is the male friend (gay or straight) who you can hang out with without ANY sexual tension, laugh at stupid shit and watch repeats of the family guy with. He is a MUST for all the moments when girls get that little bit too much.
• The Shopping Friend – Everyone needs a friend with a great eye for clothes, home-ware etc who WILL tell you if your ass looks fat or if something is hideous.
• The Best Friend – the one that you can do ALL of these things with and just sit together in silence – perfectly content.
Get rid of any dirty old fake gems rolling around in your collection and hold tight to the rare diamonds!