Love That Red

Everything You Need to Know


I went to sleep on Wednesday night in eager anticipation for the next day, I was like a kid on Christmas eve – bouncing around with excitement, unable to contain myself with anticipation and wide awake for hours.

As the lights dimmed in the theatre me and my version of Stanford (Mitch who happens to be much cuter) and I giggled and clutched at each other with excitement.

I walked out of the theatre yesterday afternoon feeling like an addict coming down from a shitty high.  My dealer had NOT given me what I wanted.

That was it………………………………..seriously? That was it? That was what all the fuss was about – Jesus it was on par with Carrie comparing men to French fries in the fifth season.

How is it possible that such a group of brilliant minds created such squalor?

How is it possible that with the history, colours, fashions, sex and characters they managed to make the film on par with a D grade Bollywood film?

It honestly felt like they flirted with all of these different issues and topics but in the end never carried out the deed –AKA SATC 2 was a hot girl at a club who grinded up against many different guys, got them to buy her drinks then went home alone with no real intention of actually giving these guys anything in return – the movie was a massive prick tease.

The once spirited foursome from Manhattan have become silly little rich-girls so bored with their simplistic lives they feel the need to whine about a ‘couch’ for ten minutes in an already dull film. This film has officially ended the era when SATC was culturally relevant. The only messages that I picked up from the movie were that aging is apparently the worst thing in the world, marriage is dull, children are little shits and complaining for 2.5 hours about the  three is relentlessly boring for the viewer.  I found the characters that I used to love and relate to on many different levels have turned into these women who I couldn’t stand to be around for 30 seconds – and I was stuck with them for 2.5 hours.

SATA is so over, OVER. Caput, gone, whatever you want to call it. The actresses themselves are so far over that they are borderline tragic yet they still think they are fabulous ………………………………HA

Waltzing around in outfits, makeup and hairstyles that only emphasized that they are old maids; dressing up in what appears to be fancy dress costumes that look that out of place on these haggard old biddies.

The only remotely funny thing about the film was the nanny and her bouncing boobs. All of the so called ‘humour’ involving Samantha is so cringe worthy I myself probably am more wrinkled after seeing this movie.  The humour used was both inappropriate for her age and an effortless sign of materialistic racism and disrespect.

It is NOT funny or OK for a 53 year old to be trannying around waving condoms, having sex with anyone and everyone with her surgically enhanced tits hanging out. AND her face was the most dreadful mix of botoxed areas where she couldn’t pull facial expressions and haggard lines which showed her age. Her actions were equivalent with the idea of my grandma running about having one-night stands – ew.

It is also not ok to go to a Middle Eastern country and disrespect people with her smuttiness and crassness. Big whoop you have an amazing job and a great (surgically enhanced) body;  does that mean that you are you better than these people because you have sex with thousands of men not just one in the confinement of your own place. NO YOU ARE NOT – YOU ARE SIMPLY TRASHY AND TRAGIC.

And the so called ‘friendship’? HA. There were times when I wanted to slap Carries horse like face, what a f***ing bitch!

Many of the IDEAS behind the script had the potential to make a great movie but on the actual screen; horrible direction, forced acting, no climaxes or peaks in the storyline and none of the ideas were turned into anything more than a skim cappuccino when the audience wanted full cream.

A blah blah opening which set the dullness of the whole film and an ending which neither concluded nor opened anything at all, it was a good summary of the film. Pointless, boring and a waste of time and resources.

In the sitcom and even the movie the foursome spoke like us, laughed like us, dated like us, stuffed up like us, drowned their sorrows like us, and loved their female friends fiercely, just like us.

They were beautiful, successful, and designer-clad, but women of all stripes and nationalities could identify with their triumphs and struggles. Unfortunately for fans these women have become a lot less like us and a lot more like painfully wealthy women whose self-involvement and selfishness has soared from amusing to nauseating. Yes we can enjoy the lavishness in decor, real estate, travel and fashion portrayed in the film but that was about it; the witty and stimulating banter that held the foursome close to our hearts has died.

There were a few moments in the film when you might start to feel the old companionship for the characters many of us loved………until they remind you that they now live on a planet far away, where women bedecked in unaffordable clothes cry into cocktails and wonder how anyone who has less money and don’t get offered to stay in palatial hotels with SLAVES, or have nannies to help with two children and an un-working mother actually cope.

Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha were remarkable for a decade. Their entrance was mesmeric and charismatic, and we left the theaters after the first movie feeling as though the era had ended with the same fashion of the girls; class and great style. SATC 2 was an overdose on everything wrong with the world and unfortunately as a consequence has murdered the brand of SATC in the worst placement possible.

We will cherish our box sets and copies of the first film forever – the future of SATC is dead.

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