The Cheating Curve
According to my good friend Google; Cheating is an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one’s own interest, and often at the expense of others, Cheating implies the breaking of rules.
My question today is; what are the rules………………………………………?
My research into this highly controversial topic showed that approximately 50% of people have or will cheat on their partner in their life or have or will be cheated on.
In our current society, the majority of us are after the most fulfilling and abundant life that we can get, thus we now have perfected the art of multi-tasking, we eat great food, have great wardrobes, enjoy weekends away and nights out with our friends; our entire lives are built upon the notion that we don’t WANT to just buy our damn cake, we want to eat is as well! Call us greedy and selfish, whatever you want but it’s true. This is why cheating occurs, and cheating in a serious relationship can potentially destroy it.
BUT WHAT IS CHEATING??????
The answer is that; defining what constitutes cheating is impossible as each relationship has different rules and no one can EVER decide those for you.
There are so many activities carried out by people in relationships that OTHER people may consider cheating, and as a similar connotation infidelity which generally has the same meaning as cheating but applies only to the cheating performed in relationships.
Each case of infidelity is different and serves a different purpose. Rationalizing and defining each case of infidelity helps people create a platform for their relationships rules; below is a list of reasons for infidelity.
Opportunistic Infidelity –
This type of infidelity occurs when a person is in love and attached to their partner, but succumbs to their sexual desire for someone else. Typically, this type of cheating is driven by situational circumstances like alcohol or drug use.
Obligatory Infidelity –
This type of infidelity is based on fear. Fear that resisting someone’s sexual advances will result in rejection. A person may have feelings of sexual desire, love and attachment for their partner, but still end up cheating because they have a strong need for approval. In addition, their need for approval can cause them to act in ways that are at odds with their other feelings. In other words, some people cheat, not because they want to cheat, but because they need the approval that comes along with a having the attention of others.
Romantic Infidelity –
This type of infidelity occurs when the cheater has very little emotional attachment to their partner. They may be committed to their relationship and making it work but they long for an intimate, loving connection with a member of the opposite sex (or same).
Conflicted Romantic Infidelity –
This type of infidelity occurs when people experience genuine love and sexual desire for more than one person at a time. Despite our idealistic notions of having only one true love, it is possible to experience intense romantic love for multiple people at the same time.
Commemorative Infidelity –
This type of infidelity occurs when people are in a committed relationship, but have no feelings for that person. There is no sexual desire, or love or attachment, only a sense of commitment keeps a couple together. These people justify cheating by telling themselves they have the right to look for what they are not getting in their present relationship.
So taking the above into consideration, would you classify any or ALL of the following scenarios as cheating?
You’re enjoying some harmless flirtations with the opposite (or same) sex over the internet, or through text message. The cyber conversations are sometimes sexually natured and the occasional ‘hint’ is dropped.
Out on a night with your friends you meet someone you find immensely charismatic and sexually appealing, you spend the night getting hot and heavy on dance floor together, bumping and grinding in a shameless way – you go home without a kiss let alone a number.
In a drunken moment of passion when you’re out clubbing and the entire above scenario occurs, you kiss the person.
After meeting someone out and the entire second and third scenario happens, you drink copious amounts of alcohol together and before long you have burning loins. You go somewhere and have steamy sex with them and never see them again or have any type of contact.
After meeting someone, you begin to text message/email them, the conversations turn intimate over time and eventually lead to phone calls and then lunch dates. Although you would never cheat on your partner physically with this person you have a definite crush on them and feel that they also have feelings for you.
The full blown affair. One person – two relationships. USUALLY one relationship is based on commitment and the other on passion. Both are carried out at the same time and usually one party is completely unaware of the second relationship.
You sleep with someone after feeling pressured into it, this is a form of blackmail and occurs a lot in the workforce in particular. An authority figure may threaten to fire you or offer you a promotion in exchange for……………………
I honestly do not believe that ANYONE can define the Cheating Curve as its YOUR OWN relationship. Cheating is defined as breaking the rules yet every relationship runs and flourishes on different rules.
I ask people alooottt of questions, and a key area of interest to me, is other peoples relationships.
I know some people who prefer their partner to not have any friends in the opposite sex, I also know a couple whom are allowed to sleep with other people when out drinking but not allowed to form ‘sober’ sexual experiences.
Some boyfriends don’t consider their girlfriends kissing other girls cheating yet balk at the idea of her kissing another guy.
For some couples; anything goes as long as it’s kept to a PG rating.
Why is society so ready to judge these alleged cheaters without analyzing the rules in that particular relationship first – not that it’s anyone else’s business.
Every couple is different and has different rules. The Cheating Curve is exactly that; a curve which moulds to each relationship in the way that fits it best.