When You HATE Your Friend’s Boyfriend
I went to see Eclipse on Wednesday night (yes I know FINALLY) and I lovvveddddd it! It was everything I wanted from it and more – however there was one particular discussion point that really struck out at me – ‘When you HATE your friend’s boyfriend.’ (Friend being Jacob, Boyfriend being Edward – just in case that wasn’t clear through the almost threesome – ok well that was just my imagination) ANYWAY
We have ALL been there – his name makes our blood boil, the sight of him creates uncontrollable eye rolls and his simple presence in the world makes you believe in Satan.
Yes this is the classic scenario of the hatred towards a friend’s boyfriend. There are a number of reasons why this occurs;
- Jealousy – This is the most common yet most petty and no it’s not that we ‘want’ our friend; its jealousy of the time spent with the boyfriend and lack thereof with yourself which creates the underlying resentment towards him.
- He wants to change her – If he is constantly bitching about her spending her money and going out, of course her girlfriends will hate him! We love her just the way she is and when this fool goes on about her disgusting habits or selfish spending we want to slap his offensive head in the face!
- He breaks up with her – breaks her heart and then wants her back. The funny thing here is that both our friend AND the guy are surprised when we don’t love him after this particular incident UM HELLO HE LITTERALLY PUMMELED YOUR HEART INTO PULP, why would we like him?
- He calls or ‘unexpectedly turns up’ when you are out with your friends – GET A LIFE
- He doesn’t treat her the way YOU believe she deserves to be treated
You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your friend’s boyfriend. Here’s how do you deal with your BFF’s jerk of a boyfriend. (Unless you want to drop her to…but unless she’s a complete toad that’s out of the question!)
- Complain incessantly to your other friends with whom you all have a mutual hatred towards him
- Drop sly hints to the friend in question about what a PRAT he is
- Ignore him
- When your friend starts winging about him nod sympathetically and encourage her to leave the bastard!
- Try to find SOME common ground with him so time spent together isn’t that awkward that you could snap the tension in half
- Introduce your friend to much more eligible bachelors
- Constantly enforce to her – just how amazing she is as its likely the shit of a boyfriend isn’t doing that enough
And FYI boys the above is why you should be as nice as humanly possible to us, as in case you haven’t noticed WE DO TALK and we have SO MUCH power over her opinion of you it’s not funny! WE know if;
- You are bad in bed
- You are selfish
- You talk about us; good or bad
- You tell her mean things like ‘you’re putting on weight’- oh no he didn’t!
- You’re a pest
So rules as a boyfriend –
- Be nice to us
- Do not make sexual advances on us (you would assume this is a given but some men are just dumb)
- DO NOT HURT HER
- Do not bitch about us as WE WILL find out
- Be pleasant to OUR boyfriends
- Treat her like you treat your balls – very precious and sensitive
- Only say wonderful things to us about your girlfriend and NEVER EVER
- Call her whilst she’s at a ‘girls night ‘it a female pet hate (hello GIRLS night)
Now I know that I sound like a sadistic bitch so please don’t get me wrong I adore some of my friends boyfriends and ( I admit) some ex-boyfriends far more than the current but there are a few very rotten eggs whom I think should be excavated from the world MOST IMPORTANTLY from my friends life!
Have a great weekend!