Love That Red

Everything You Need to Know

Don’t go Home

If there is ONE place I would advise each and every person to steer clear of on a Saturday night; its Home at Darling Harbour.

Any person with a smidgen of class and self respect should treat ‘Homemade’ as they call it like the mafia and plague.

If you did subject yourself to Home this is what you would find;

• A line so long it takes up to an hour just to get your ID checked, you are surrounded by a certain type of male who rightfully deserve a certain derogatory reference as they stand there being ‘fully sick’ swearing, sweating and smoking.

• Upon getting your ID checked each and every female who doesn’t represent Susan Boyel will be slyly given the once over by the toothless first door man who comes up to your armpit and is roughly 60 years old but still deems it ok to bestow many sexual innuendoes upon you.

• You are then rudely hustled and have your bag snatched of you as they paw their filthy hands through it looking for hipflasks/drugs etc – nothing better than filthy callused fingers searching through your 3 figure clutch bag. • You then are squashed for a further 20 minutes to get to the actual door – all the while surrounded by screaming 18 year olds and many more half their age, their well presented fake ID’S allowing them past security thanks to their hefty allowance.

• Proceed up to the door and be rudely spoken to by ‘fully sick bra’ door boys on a massive power trip to compensate their lack of height and small dicks.

• It is here that the offensively ugly door bitch demands each person a $25 cover charge. Why do they have such a high cover charge you may ask? People generally pay enough in drinks too far outweigh $25 with an extra 0 taped to the end yet certain establishments feel they have the audacity to charge people this amount. The reason is that its well known that Home is the biggest drug fuelled club in Sydney with the majority of its patrons buying zero alcoholic beverages at all (thus the $5 charge for water – totally illegal BTW) This is because average patrons do not need alcohol due to having taken ‘other more illicit substances’ earlier in the evening.

• Upon entering the club you are immediately accosted by ‘fully sick bras’ bumping and grinding you from every available angle with little to no understanding of the term ‘personal space’. You also find yourself squeezing through groups of fresh 18 year old losers so drug fuc*ed and high on their little magic pills they fail to realise that their ‘pumping arms’ and ‘shuffling legs’ are physically smacking your already violated spare body parts.

• Heaven help you want a breath of fresh air as the outside areas and view of the famous harbour are barely visible due to the thickness of the cigarette smoke – you are also likely to get a cigarette hole burned into your freshly pummelled skin or $300 jacket as clientele are so far out of it they swing their lit cigarettes in all types of directions.

• As you venture back inside don’t be surprised if a kind ‘fully sick bra’ slips a little something into your drink without you realising due to your concentration being trained on trying not to get burnt or hit. If you’re lucky your friends will take you home as your legs begin to give way you begin to sweat copiously and your eyes begin to roll back in your head. If you’re really lucky (note the sarcasm) hallucinations will appear and paranoia will set it and the luckiest girls of all are lured into going home with these ‘gentlemen’ and having no recollection of the previous night the next morning.

So there you have it folks the beauty and joy of one of Sydney’s most popular night spots. Go here and not only will your IQ be undoubtedly lowered a few points but you instantly become Lindsay Lohan whereas those who avoid it remain more Audrey Hepburn.

My advice? Stay well away from this dive it is quite possibly the most trashy and ridiculous place in Sydney filled with easily a group of the most tragic people.


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2 thoughts on “Don’t go Home

  1. Regina Phalange on said:

    Like like like.

    It’s annoying that such a crap place has such a good venue.

  2. Effing LOL! So funny because it’s ALL TRUE.

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