The Broken Heart
The broken heart derives from the feelings that we get when someone emotionally hurts us to the extent that our chest physically aches.
Generally the broken heart is caused in very un-organic way by a man; whether it is a surprise end to a relationship, a case of unfaithfulness or when he simply fall out of love with you. Most of the time it’s simply because the man in question is a complete tosser who is about as worthy of our affection as a steak is to a vegetarian.
Men are undoubtedly the most unreliable shits when it comes to a women’s heart and most women will have their heart broken at least a few times before they meet the one man whom is worth all of the previous heartbreak. (But even he is still perfectly capable of breaking your heart which is why you should only ever give 95% of yourself to him.)
The things that you shouldn’t do after being broken up with are as follows;
- Leave drunk messages on his phone begging him to take you back (keep some dignity please)
- If you can help it don’t let him see you cry more than once (NEVER make him aware of how much he has hurt you)
- Do not tell him about all the ‘dates’ you have been on (reeks sadness)
- Meet him for ‘the exchange’ looking hotter than you ever have (desperation)
The things you CAN do;
- Post photos on your Facebook page which clearly indicate you have been having lots of drunk fun without him – make sure a guy is in several photos and one that your ex was either a) jealous of b) hated or c) thought was the best looking guy ever. Don’t have tacky kissing photos just pictures that signify that ‘something’ could be happening
- Remain composed, don’t yell, don’t scream, and don’t cry. Don’t let him know how much he has hurt you. Let him think you have ‘ totally moved on’
- When a mutual friend on FB posts a comment on your page tell her that your busy that night/you have a date etc this way he may very well see it but wont realize you meant him to!
- Ask him over to do the ‘exchange’ and answer the door in a singlet, natural makeup, cute undies and wet hair – ‘oops I forgot you were coming’
All this aside the most important thing you can do after a breakup is work through it and get over it. My 10 step process works wonders;
1. Spend time alone and LET IT OUT – Cry cry and then cry again. Let yourself be sad and feel the pain that’s been caused.
2. Call or invite a friend over – Cry some more, moan, yell and then finally begin a 6 hour long bitch fest (make sure the friend in question is perfectly capable of using very bad language and full of horrid insults)
3. Do a boxing class – Release your anger through an hour of pure energy fuelled exercise in which you can spend the whole time punching your ex’s imaginary face.
4. Watch girly movies with a friend – Complete with popcorn, chocolate and face masks.
5. Write down everything you hate about your ex, find the ugliest photo possible and stare – File away with all other happy images/notes/cards etc DO NOT THROW out you may want to look back on it one day when you can think back fondly (obviously far FAR in the future).
6. Go out and get WASTTTEEEDDD – (DO NOT TAKE YOUR PHONE) Flirt, dance and make men drool. Get your confidence levels back up by realizing JUST how many eligible bachelors there are who want you.
7. Have a fling – Make sure you have no feelings whatsoever.
8. Learn to love your own company again – Spend a weekend by yourself; visit an art gallery, take a walk, cook some food and watch some DVDs.
9. Spend roughly half the time that you did in the relationship single – Enjoying flings here and there but predominantly you’re own and your girlfriends company
10. You’re now ready to begin a new relationship! But only if you what to.
Whatever the reason, cause and outcome of a girls broken heart always remember that YOU DO have people who love you; your friends your family and most importantly your best friend who will stand by you, support you and help you through whatever gets thrown your way.