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I’ve Learnt – Globe Trotting

Ok well not GLOBE trotting exactly but you know……holiday hopping.

I got back from my trip yesterday and I was very glad to find out I’d been missed whilst I was gone – OK well it wasn’t so much ME that people proclaimed they had missed but my daily anecdotes and thoughts masquerading as a professional blog.

Either way I am glad to be back and as with everything I do – I stuffed up on my trip – have learnt from it and now can regale my advice upon you!

  1. The higher you head in Australia – The closer you are to the equator. THUS the sun IS stronger and 3 daily applications of SPF 30+ WILL NOT protect you if you beach yourself half in/half out of the ocean and lay directly in the sun.  Tropical North Queensland truly does require the Slip, Slop Slap. (Unless you’re one of those French bitches I saw frolicking in all their bronzed goddess glory).  My current resemblance to culinary salmon is not attractive.
  2. No matter how short the flight is – The air pressure levels in your ears WILL get f***ed up. I spent the takeoff and decent of both flights rocking in the fetal position (a hard task to accomplish in cattle class I can assure you) cursing myself for not bring my ‘ear planes’. You would think that it being my 8th flight of the year I would have come better equipped.
  3. Snacks should be brought PRIOR to arrival at the airport – $4 for a small snickers bar is totally unacceptable.
  4. Staring shamelessly at the HOT European backpackers is none to appreciate by the boyfriend PAYING for your trip – They were just so tanned, toned and tall. Heaven. The fact that certain tourists not only started straight back at me and hit on me in front of said boyfriend could be reason enough for boyfriend’s annoyance.
  5. Asssianss are quite possibly the most retarded and hilarious people on earth – Watching them struggle on the Great Barrier Reef; armed with floating devices as they can’t swim, covered in lycra as they burn so easily and scare easily of stingers AND excitedly point and shout in Asian at the fish was easily the humorous highlight of my trip.
  6. Motion sickness can be warded off with this one simple trick – Applying a Band-Aid across your bellybutton.  No this is NOT a joke – My boyfriend mum taught it to me and it is the single one thing that has curbed my habit of regurgitating as soon as the roads get wonky or the seas get bumpy.
  7. Sunglasses and thongs are essential to a tropical holiday – You would assume that this is pre-requisite knowledge but my boyfriend, it appears – did not. He looked like a right fool gallivanting about with loafers on, teamed with shorts and a squinty face.
  8. Australia is one SCARY country – We may not have wars, religious freaks, or poverty but we do have some scary ass animal’s intent on killing you instantly. Many of these happen to reside in Tropical North Queensland.  GIGANTIC crocodiles lurk in each watery hole you come across, sharks are evident in magnitudes, stingers bob about in the water with every intention of killing you slowly and surely considering there is no anti-venom and who could forget the abundance o the world’s deadliest snakes; taipan’s and king browns. I needn’t go on.
  9. Simply Put – Holidays are relaxing, refreshing and rejuvenating. Sometime you actually have to go on one to re-affirm this to yourself!
  10. Getting Home Sucks Until you have a shower. I was perched on my floor unpacking last night morosely staring out at the city skyscrapers listening to then hustle and bustle. Quite a difference to the peace and quiet and balmy nights last week! I then had my shower and lavishly applied all my favourite products which immediately put a smile on my face! It was even better to then get in MY own bed and snooze away.


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4 thoughts on “I’ve Learnt – Globe Trotting

  1. Sweet blog, I hadn’t noticed previously during my searches!
    Keep up the great work!

  2. Lucia Cap. on said:

    I was really enjoying your blog until I read this post
    Number 5 is verging on racist
    And your ignorance is embarrassing in 8
    – Australia does have poverty

    • kellyleemccarren on said:


      I do apologize if I have offended you however in no way shape or form did I intend to sound ‘racist’ in number 5 – It is simply a funny observation; one that many comedians/society alike find amusing but perhaps it did need to be witnessed in order to see the hilarity in the matter. My best friend who is of asian decent certainly thought it was hilarious.

      In relation to NO.8 I must defend my ’embarrassing ignorance’ as after seeing some of the worlds poorest countries I can safely say that in comparison Australia does not suffer from REAL poverty.

      Once again though I do apologise for any offence and would suggest that If you continue to read my blogs you might want to remember that It is simply that – a blog.


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