Mr and Mrs PDA
In the past 96 hours I’ve had approximately 10 hours sleep, 2000 calories, 26 vodka red bulls and an alcohol unit that would embarrass Tara Reid.
Suffice to say – I’ve felt better.
Over the course of the weekend I couldn’t help but notice the multitude of extreme displays of my most hated crime – the PDA.
The public display of affection is one of those horrendous crimes that people commit day-after-day with little to no awareness of the disgust radiating from those around them.
I honestly think some people smooch and cuddle while smugly thinking that we – the observers – are thinking ‘oh how sweet, I wish I had that’. I hate to tell you offender of the PDA but we are NOT thinking that at all what we are thinking is one or all of the following;
• Someone please help me rip out my eyes…
• Dear god here comes up those french fries…
• I will PAY you to get a room right now, but please get out of my vision…
• Perhaps they will stop if I push them down the stairs?
• If I start moaning and groaning at the top of my lungs will it make them feel as uncomfortable as I feel?
As you can see dear PDA offenders your disgusting public acts are NEVER appreciated and committing such a crime will most surely lead to an early death or at the very least a spew patch and a black eye.
Over the course of my long weekend my eyes were molested by countless acts of PDA’s from my girlfriend lolling all over her latest squeeze to drunken couples practically having sex in visibility of everyone on the dance floor at clubs.
YUCK on all counts.
Its not hard people – save the affection and obvious sexually desire to be carried out in 100% PRIVATE. (That also means that no one wants to HEAR it)
So pull your tongues out of each other’s mouths and keep your damn hands to yourself PLEASE.
If you don’t society will be forced to create the next genocide in which only PDA offenders are victimised.