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Why I Hate the Cinema and My Review of the Latest Harry Potter Instalment…

Every time I go to the movies I regret it. EVERY TIME. Yet I still find myself there again and again because I ‘have to see’ different Hollywood blockbusters. Now I’m an exceptionally irritable person so obviously I get more annoyed than the average movie partaker however the reasons I hate the theatre are;

• I have the attention span of a 3-year old and my mind does not appreciate being forced to watch and concentrate on something for 2+ hours.

• Also like a 3-year old, I like to sit cross-legged on the floor. Chairs are horridly uncomfortable in my opinion and I would much rather perch myself on the ground.

• I am an extreme muti-tasker and I get anxious not doing anything but ‘watch’ for an extended period of time. At home I’m on my laptop, making food, cleaning, painting etc I’m NEVER just sitting and watching. (Much to my flatmates annoyance as I continue to bound out of my position making him have to continually pause the film.)

People piss me off. Shut-up, stop sniffing, stop crunching, stop making gross noises and stop fidgeting. (I warned you I was irritable.)

Teenagers annoy the living hell out of me (which is why you should steer clear of any theatre near a uni – Broadway I’m looking at you – and cheap Tuesday as they are their in abundance) they catcall, whoop, sob immaturely and think its funny to poke each other which annoys my peripherals.

• When old people and people that don’t speak English are at a cinema they proceed to have the movie explained to them very loudly by their companion. I could punch these people.

• When people answer their mobile phone (quiet possibly the rudest thing a person can do), check their phone which proceeds to light up the whole damn cinema or have it on vibrate which they think is helpful but isn’t when we constantly hear brzzzz zzzzz zzzzz over and over again.

The sheer price of a trip to the movies offends me.

I think that’s it.

ANYWAY obviously I went to the movies last night to see ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1’.

Can I just start by saying WHOA to the divine Emma Watson! Seriously not only is she rocking her latest hair cut better than Twiggy did –

 


Her acting was AWESOME! Heartstrings were definitely pulled in the opening as she removed herself from her parent’s memories and the screams and teardrops that fell from those beautiful eyes as Bellatrix Lestrange was torturing her bought chills to my core. (OK I’m exaggerating but she was damn good.)

Harry or Daniel… what can I say. Just please never take your shirt of again. Your skinny, white, patchy black hairy body raped and burned my poor retinas. And yes we can tell you have been attempting to work out but no your pale lankiness will never draw drools the way Mr Pattinson’s (AKA Edward Cullen) does.

Ronald Bilius Weasley – Your brothers are funnier than you are…. and I actually have no comment on you as you didn’t really register to me in the film. I don’t think that’s a good thing.

Fleur Delacour – Yes yes she was only in the film for like a minute but you all know my love and obsession for Clemence. She’s just so darn beautiful!

I love the fact that she also clearly has a sense of humour as even now I’m still giggling at the scene in which Harry is wearing her bra and she is speaking. SO F-ING FUNNY.

Ok so to begin my ACTUAL review not just an actor analysis I would firstly like to say that I thought it captured every important element of the book that all previous instalments failed to do. It’s far more perilous, intense and realistic than previous installments in J.K. Rowling’s detailed, intricate saga. Harry, Hermione and Ron are like refugees, left to their own devices in an ominous, terrifying world where they learn more about the importance of wands, the Sword of Gryffindor and Dobby the Elf. (*Cute bulbous eyes looking up at Harry* “Its good to have friends”… bless)

The first part of Deathly Hallows has plenty of invigorating imagery alongside the pro forma narrative elements. The tale of the Hallows themselves is presented as an exhilarating animated interlude via a stupefying digital evocation of shadow puppetry which was executed BRILLIANTLY. Another great technique used by the director was that he often implied to magical occurrences rather than show them directly; when characters apparated to a new location, their arrival was signaled by a rustle of leaves or ripples in the water. It’s refreshingly low-tech, and attunes us to the film’s immense, overpowering landscapes, which threaten to swallow the characters whole. The outside world, it seems, can be as menacing as any wand-wielding dark wizard.

For those familiar with the novel, the tragic tenor of this installment appears as if it will complement the toward-the-light euphoria of the series’ finale. You can’t help but feel, however, that the inevitable happy ending (sorry for those who haven’t read the book) can’t possibly do justice to the more melancholy moments, which are the true strength of the films.

My ultimate FAVOURITE part of the film was a scene not sourced from the original novel but when Harry and Hermione, both at a particularly low ebb, do a touchingly awkward dance in their tent after Ron has colloquially ‘dogged’ them. Smiles crack their battle-scarred faces, as their frustrations are swallowed up in the swell of friendship.

All in all I think the HP team did a fantastic job on this film and it was the first installment that I wasn’t disappointed in. The book itself gets a little tiresome and long after re-reading it for the 60th time so it was refreshing to witness a version that skimmed over the duller moments and constricted the key plot lines.

HOWEVER although I’ll probably change my mind I do think I’ll wait for Part 2 on DVD, after all there surely isn’t any surprises.

What did you all think about the movie? Is there anything I didn’t list about the cinema that you dislike?

 

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