Love That Red

Everything You Need to Know

F-off Summer

This Is Me Cartoon Form - Totally Melting


If summer was a person and I had a knife – I would slice it up and make it feel the same pain I am currently in. I would then gladly kill it so it would never come over again.


I write this as I sit in my inner-west Sydney apartment; all doors and windows open, fans repeatedly blowing hot air smugly on me and my best friends – the bags of peas pressed against my clammy skin (sorry clammy is way to much of understatement, try immense perspiration.)


I feel like I am menopausal and there is no escape. I actually have taken to poking my head into the freezer at 20-minute intervals during the day, spooning ice packs each night and frequently enjoying a quick cold shower.


I am seriously considering building a makeshift bath table so I can type and be submerged in cold water simultaneously.


I can’t remember disliking summer with such a vicious hatred before. In fact it used to be my favourite season, with the ocean, sun and short dresses. NUH UH. No sirey, gone is the love and it is replaced with the same lack of respect and loathing I give a pimple every time they dare rear their heads on my face.



Leave me in cool peace. Your pretty wife Spring can stay – I like her most of the time…when she’s not being all testosteroney and trying to ‘wear the pants’ by bringing sweltering spring days.



Do you hate or rate this Summer? Any cooling tips? And yes I’ve considered going to maccas and simultaneously enjoying free wireless and the A/C…. but my lack of willpower would walk out 8 hours and 6000000000 calories later.






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