OMG Am I Old?
I am forever referring to myself as ‘a baby’. “Oh don’t mind me I’m just a (insert appropriate term of usage here) baby”.
But I am not a baby. Far from it. In fact a dear friend of mine is due to have a baby in a week. A real baby. She is not planning to push me out of her vagina.
I am 23 this year. And it sounds young in theory. Until I realise people around me are going out less and less, getting proper jobs, getting engaged, getting knocked-up etc. Oh and my ever deepening fine lines (soon to be just lines) and pesky varicose vein tells me each time I look in the mirror. 😦
My age REALLY hit me on the w/e as I was grinding shit up at a club in the cross. As I bumped this way and grinded that-a-way I realised that these fresh-faced peeps watching my moves in
horror awe resembled my high-school friends, meaning they were MANY sad years younger than I. This point was proved further as a strange American spun me around begging for an ‘18th birthday kiss’. Cue my point to hide my paedophile/molesting ass in the bathroom for a good 20-minutes.
My biggest problem is that I compare myself to the women I read about in my prized fiction novels. And the woman in the last one was a millionaire at 23 (And no NOT because of Daddy). Yes it isn’t reality and we all can’t be Mark Zuckerberg. But I still deem it entirely appropriate to spend every last dime of mine (hehe) on clothes and partying. When according to society (and Dad) I should be investing, saving for travel, saving for a house deposit etc. Instead I flit it all away on good cheese, bottles of Vod, and armfuls of Bec & Bridge samples. (In my defence you do not walk away from a B&B sample sale.)
The thing is, I don’t WANT to grow up. It sounds incredibly dull. I don’t want to stay in on a Saturday night mulling over which DVD to watch. I couldn’t care less about acting my age – if I want to act like a 3-year old I will damn-it! The idea of deposits, repayments, bills and such give me an eye-roll moment to rival someone who does massive eye-rolls.
I do not want to grow up. So why do I feel old?