Get An Amazing Massage In Sydney
I like it rough. Really rough.
I like to be pummeled and prodded until I’m close to tears and inwardly thinking ‘fffffuuuuuu******kkkkk meeeeeeee thhhiiissss issss sooooooo ouchyyyyyy yetttt soooooo goooooddddd’. I love it when certain spots are pushed so hard in a way that feels SO good I’m screaming out ‘YES YES – DON’T STOP – YES’.
But get your minds out of the gutter you dirty dirty peeps, I’m talking about a good massage. So clearly screaming ‘YES’ only occurs in my head. Otherwise I may have an AVO put out against me by all masseuses.
For me, nothing is worse than settling down eagerly on one of those massage table thingys just waiting in urgent anticipation to have the twisted up knots in your back eased away. Then some little girl who weighs as much as my leg softly starts caressing my shoulders with less strength than a newborns greedy clench. Not good.
I want pain dammit! I want you to press so hard on my back that the air is whooshed out of my lungs! I want to be bruised the next day and I want to walk away feeling more stoned than any greenery will ever provide. But until now, this seems to be near impossible to find. Any friend who does it as hard as I want can usually only do it for a few mere seconds before their hands give out (pussys) and massage therapists do not seem to understand the concept of ‘harder harder’.
Granted whenever I show someone how hard I like it they usually squeal with pain as soon as my bony fingers barely touch them but sheesh, I give them massage’s for hours without getting tired. (However most people seem to like a sensation on par with an ant nestling into their shoulder blades.)
So imagine my surprise and delight when I found someone who performed my massage in a way I had only ever dreamed about.
I went in my lunch break yesterday to get my fortnightly massage, and sick of paying $40 a pop for something that isn’t satisfying me, had a stern talking to with the girl on reception. “The last one was too soft” I told the pleasantly plump girl of an asian background, “can you do it super hard”? “I really need someone to get in there”….
She looked at me with a look usually reserved only from the Russian Mafia and told me to lie down. I did as I was told. This chick could break me like a twig.
And then it started. Oh the pain, oh the heaven. What followed was 40mins of pure blissfully sadistic massaging hard enough for me to hear a few ribs move in and out of place. I want to marry her.
So if you like a good, hard massage come see my girl Lydia. (I don’t know how happy she was about the fact that I informed her I would be seeing her every fortnight from now on.) She is the bestest!
Call (02) 9211 3889 to book an appointment with her (she’s available WED-SUN). Located in The Broadway Shopping Centre 10 mins from central.