Marquee: The Club That’s Over Before It’s Begun?
The prospect of a new club opening is always exciting to Sydneysiders, especially when it promises to change the club scene as it is (overpriced and brimming with an abundance of fist pumping idiots on their coke fuelled benders).
Marquee has been developed as part of The Stars (Sydney’s notorious and media criticized casino) ridiculous 870 million dollar refurbishment and they desperately want people to come and play. So desperate in fact that they have brought over the one person whose face simply reeks of desperation to open said club – Paris Hilton.
A few years ago, Paris was kinda cool. Ok maybe I’m stretching, as she has never exactly been someone I’ve lusted over but as the world’s most infamous party girl, she was the perfect face to open an event or new establishment. Now? Not so much. So here are my oh-so-important thoughts…
You are so tired. And you must also be actually quite tired considering you JUST got off a long-haul flight. I guess that’s why you’re a walking ad reading ‘kiddies this is what speed does’.
Please go home before you embarrass The Star further. Seriously, the last thing they need after the past months riddled with controversy is leaked pictures of you come Saturday morning, snorting substance of any flat surface and grinding up on a very uncomfortable Will I Am.
Your old. You’re past your peak. You are certainly welcome to do as you please in the comforts of your own home or a more private establishment, but I’m telling you that no one wants to see a 30-something vag twirling around a pole. Because lets face it, years of you crying for media attention have proved 3 things:
- You don’t seem to like to wear underwear. That, or you think people want to see your sea monster.
- You don’t seem to understand that ‘party girls’ (read table dancing, drinking in excess, and being TOTALLY obnoxious) over the age of 29 are just sad. (Really all party girls are pretty lame but whatevs.)
- You quite possibly have THE worst style in the world and by representing Sydney’s newest club looking like you belong in The Cross, you really are sending a strange message to the people I’m sure The Star is looking to have at Marquee.
Honestly guys could you REALLY not have found anyone cooler? Surely there was SOMEONE else available that would appeal to young and hip people like myself AKA desired clientele.
(And yes I realise that by saying I’m hip and using the word hip in general I am clearly not hip. Whatever, you get my point.)