No Glove. No Love.
I hate condoms. Truly despise them actually. Vile, sticky things. Luckily, I’ve never been a participant in casual sex so I’ve never had to use them. That said, there was a period where I went off the pill for 6-months to ‘give my body a rest’ and don’t think I enjoyed sex for that entire period. Disgusting rubbery things. But the point is that even if you are on the pill but having casual sex, you NEED to wear a condom. Well the boy does anyway, those female things are strange-looking devices aren’t they.
The reason for my ‘no glove no love’ lesson comes about because of the sheer volume of friends of mine who regularly have unprotected sex. With NEW partners. Even with boyfriends/girlfriends I think some peeps are extremely lax. After all, just because they are only currently having sex with you doesn’t mean they don’t have anything. Don’t kid yourself into thinking they were an innocent virgin before your minxy ways were bestowed upon them. (Not that there would be much fun in virgin sex neways but that’s neither here nor there.)
These friends of mine who are having this unprotected sex are smart, educated people who are extremely safe in all other aspects of their lives. Their iphones are password protected (and if not they quickly are after an initial frape induction), they have obscurely different passwords for their facebooks, bank accounts and paypal; yet they are happy placing their penis inside someones INSIDES whom they have just met! Or vice versa obviously. I thought the ‘insides’ had more of an impact, although I guess ‘tickle your uterus with his seemingly infected genitalia’ is equally off-putting.
I know that love with a glove feels like shit but in a day and age where people are rubbing their clappy vags’ all over your sheets on a regular basis and they have in excess of 100 peeps notched into the old bedpost (at that point its more like a woodpecked twig really), you NEED to be careful. Chlamydia, herpes, HPV, HIV/AIDS, gonorrhoea, syphilis, hepatitis, crabs or scabies; any of these are repulsive and people really should take better care of there hoo-hars if they plan on still using them when their cute and old and already gross.
Gentlemen you will already be bald with back-hair and erectile dysfunctions. Do you really need a crusty member to boot?
And ladies, there really is no hope for our breasts and bums, gravity is a law of attraction. So lets keep our varges in top-notch condition yeah!?
So come on chooks, slap one on or no cheeky tickle time.